present past

tappin' into some sadness,
tears knockin' on the back of my eyelids.
maybe it's the Sigur Ros playin in my mp3
maybe it's the fact that i'm walking into the morn'
at 2:03.

do old friends and past loves, know us best?
or do they claim to what they once knew
only to box in the rest?

indeed the flood is tempting the dawn
and though i've built no border
it sits, it simmers, at that point
right before boiling.

maybe it was all to trigger these sensations,
to encourage another release...
but it seems to have only shakin' my tree,
to prematurely let go of unripened fruit,
to watch it drop out underneath,
from my skirts, onto the grass
below.

where am i still boxing in the ring,
when am i not applying everything
to the ones i surround myself with?
where am i being scarce with the credit
i only want to be resounding in?
perhaps my corridors are filled too full
to permit any sort of reflective echo.

oh and the words run through my tissues!
maybe to drop down into a new scenery
or blanch out what is no longer of use to me.
i suppose it's this in between season
permitting me perspective
on what once was,
and what's now within greater reason.

passion blossoms

oh sweetness
i hear you calling,
from across the sea
your waves flow through me.

and i feel you near my soul,
in my heart beating full -
you lift me up
oh sweet Venus!

gentle tears rolling down
flushing my heart
cleansing the ground
only to unite with source
back to the sea, sweet Eros.

trust i am with you,
your deepest heart knows!
allow the mind to rest,
making no attempt to canonize
or decipher the codes
for there is no drop of ocean harboring the best!

expand in love,
love it all,
as it is the everything
which only exists
when we are limitless.

i will love all of you
without yanking you apart
like a taxidermist,
who has unknowingly
squandered the heart.

i see you in me
i see me in you,
the passiflora vines weave curiously
to see each other anew.

we dance as a life force
to the collective drum,
pulsating together
in harmonious unison.

acceptance...

back on the menu! perhaps for the entirety of this life?...

what does it mean to really accept someone regardless of the choices they make or beyond the common value pack of age, race and gender?

to start, i must remove the word "really" = acceptance is acceptance, there is no "really".

trust is trust.
forgive is to forgive &
love is love.

there are no varying degrees "really", are there?

if my word is my word, why would i tell another "trust me"?
if i truly have forgiven, then there is no space to maintain resentment or be triggered over a person or situation.

it's easy to accept someone until they take an action we perceive to (a) be against us or simply (b) not within the realm we agree to live in.

how interesting that K, someone i've always experienced a deep, incredible love & admiration for all my life, is the one who has pushed my perceptions, overwhelmed my boundaries, destroyed my comforts and... from a child's broken heart to a jaded parent's point of view (in basic language), someone who has "let me down". (i use this term loosely, as it's mainly my expectations that walk me down into that pit of quicksand).

of course!! who else would i have stuck around for in such times, when i've often taken it all personally enough to question "how can he make such actions against me?!!"

and he, who's life would be ultimately affected, is most placid in the face of it all! he who has the two beautiful children, is the one who knocks the doors down, slices & perforates the fabric and shields himself in a puncture-proof vest.

where was i filing my complaint again?
who was i filing it against?

nectar

oh goddess!
oh sweet ecstasy!
i am on FIRE for you!!
i am blazing
drunk on your alcohol,
saturated by your nectar,
roaring & inextinguishable!

we are all a different translation of human existence

blessed be
the one who's heart sheds
like the arbutus tree.

ever unfolding,
like the uncoiling of the serpent
or the chrysalis of the butterfly,
all the metaphors
which teach my being to soar high.

the symbolic valentine expands,
the fiery life force offers a hand,
while the power of vitality births
my visions of life,
are constantly unearthed!

metamorphosis;
this existence
unravels me
like the aerial silk thread.

i hunger in this buffet only for more,
while the exquisite thirst & yearning
blast wide open all my doors.

life is my fountain of youth,
requiring a constant cajoling to drink
and trust the bitters of its vermouth.

fear is the comic catalyst to expand:
the siren communes symbiotically
with the sweet fruits of the land,
luring me deep, into the cavern within.

the lush forest of infinity
and the fairy tales of pan
each play a role
in the universal path
and cosmic plan.

linear time is short
in the labyrinth of corn-husks.
this vessel gallantly skips onward
doing all it must.

tapping the heads of cobblestone,
through puddles,
and o'er the lily pads it goes.
eternally into the rainbows,
for this quest is but
a scavenger hunt for gold.

the beauty is discovering
we are not mere beggars,
who accept only scraps -
every morsel is ore!

the secret is revealing
perception lies in translation -
we are all royal mortals!

so maintain your fluidity
and never surrender your ambidexterity
to the one who claims to have it all -
for that is the day
you will certainly fall.

a faint memory

sadness need not feel heavy,
it's simply another side of love

managing our energy

our voices are so powerful!
what is the fear surrounding our ability & choice to use them?
do we not trust we know when to use them wisely? perhaps we've been children holding raging chainsaws too many times. yes, i know i've been there.

is our fear ingrained so deeply, through history? are we fearing our demise, our decapitation of choice to be heard and ultimately, our death?

"someone will listen!!!" my heart cries out inside...

(in that very moment while writing, a woman near by said...)

"i wanted to punch him in the throat"

well, i guess not everyone will or can listen to what is being spoken.
...why not walk away then? why just sit there and hear, only to then bitch?

what is it which keeps us in our inner workings of rut, annoyance & rackets? of course it's us. but i mean beyond that? what is the underbelly of service to? even the individual boils down to the barrel of basics...

so much oppression & many power struggles.

oppression... a weapon of mass destruction, used to suffocate another, manipulate beliefs...
power struggles... not being heard, not being listened to, unmet needs fester

self respect,
there is enough love in this world!
step from lack & scarcity,
best of chance
in courageous authenticity!

the shadow

sometimes i experience being paralyzed, though its source is none other than internal.

my days extend heavily into the night, to get it all done.
my being shifts to one who is nocturnal
and heavenly slumber, is mainly burdensome.

who am i living to be?
what am i creating in me?
are my external judgments melting away?
am i living my life for me, each day?

overwhelm is on the forefront again.
balance Ange,
balance both hands.

i am perceived through that or distance.
fully present or in complete missing.
and in between, i lay on the ocean floor
while its waves and thrust effortlessly contain their force.

allowing me to feel me
they wait patiently for my signal to release.
they watch my wheels turn
and watch it all unwind.

they witness the process
never place doubt on that which is not theirs,
for we understand each other.

we are both learning from our place on the planet
what we are here to fully be.
so give and take
and primarily patience
are most at stake.

who am i to judge another when it is not my purpose or path to walk that existence?
no wonder we are always comparing ourselves to another.
my role is only to my 100% dedication: ME!
to go deep, deep, deeper within.

how may another know what is best or right?
their feedback only applies
like the generalities of my weekly horoscope,
no more than such
than the starry sky's broadcasting through light.

4am poetry inspiration

i felt the intensity, the pulling,
to crawl into bed with you.
oh, and the nasty things i'll do with you!
the ways i want to be with you!

my hands wrap around your every inch
my fingers will memorize your texture,
your topography.

my pelvis arches up
though you are not there to receive me.

i will wait patiently
for these early days to ripen
until i am beside you again.

til then,
my spirit swirls around yours.
beautiful hues surround you
golden weaving thread
i weave to you.

from my bed
sweet nectar flows.
from my garden
fertile grounds sew.

incubating patiently for the time when
cultivation will be,
on our menu
again.