Jan 7
-this morning the first bird to rise woke me… it was around 4:30am. the world is the same everywhere: children cry over what they don’t get, dogs play together, and birds awaken in the same fashion. only one at first, so quietly that you must strain to hear if what was chirped was in fact real. then another wakes up, more chime in, the pitch is louder and they continue one upping another, until the entire bird village has been awoken! then just when you think you could pass out since their drone is now putting you to sleep, the rooster next door decides to add to the orchestra. this goes on for about an hour, until they’ve summoned so hard, the sun chooses to rise. and this goes on every morning… unfortunately I left my handy eye cover on the plane when I landed in El Salvador.
-I laid in bed trying to rest, only to become increasingly restless! my energy was back & I wanted a full-on day. 30 min later I ceased my inner resistance, went down to the kitchen & satisfied my hunger with some fruit. if only I knew how to light the element I’d brew some black tea. the house was still asleep, it was only after 6am. I pulled my camera out & began shooting the soft light coming through my favorite window in the home – stained glass, blue & yellow with an accenting green glass bottle below. a few more photos, then I returned back upstairs. I laid down, it was too early to shower, and eventually dosed off, in between Ukiah’s chattering & flute playing.
-a couple hours later, I sprang up, feeling as though I’d slept in. it was only 9:45am & everyone was awake, ready to head to the market. well, what’s one more day without showering? I’d not showered since arriving, which wasn’t a big deal considering I’d only been sleeping the past 2 days. thankfully I stopped using shampoo/conditioner in October, it’s allowed my hair to withstand days without doing anything to it, whereas before I had to wash it almost daily. and who knew Cusco didn’t have baking soda? one more thing to let go of J
-we all left for San Blas, a hip portion of downtown Cusco. we grabbed some salad & fresh mango lassies from a quaint café, spoke with the native artisan women who create with colourful fabric all day long, took photos with the young girls, their alpaca and baby sheep. after lunch Aerina wanted to climb this intense case of stairs, similar to the Grouse Grind’s last quarter only all steps, multiplied by 2 in distance & don’t forget the 11,000 feet elevation to begin with. we took a few short breaks, it’s amazing how winded I get from barely climbing anything! it was worth it though, to see the adobe tops of the city.
-the clouds began shifting to dark greys, loud thunder began to growl and we headed down the hill in the opposite direction toward the market. on the way Brook stopped for choco; tantalizing corn cooked on the streets by families. the rest of us were too full, but the bite I had was enough to entice me to return. I don’t know about corn, but Cusco has over 400 varieties of potatoes!! who vito’ed food diversity anyway? so much Incan brick & stone work was buried when the Spanish took over, but since they built overtop of everything, I was still able to see glimpses of what lies beneath. I didn’t take any photos of what they’d built-I couldn’t betray truth for lies & brainwashing. you could tell what was Incan, as they didn’t use any mortar to bind the stones together – they simply fit together like a puzzle.
the rain was spitting by now, warning us of what was to come. keep in mind, the day had been blue skies with white fluffy clouds, hot & many were sunburnt by the end. Brook sheltered me while I took shots of the aqueduct & stony stairway. everyone was walking on the sides of the streets, taking shelter under the small awnings that lead us into town. poncho & umbrella vendors came out from the alleys to sell what they carried. it wasn’t much for this Vancouverite, but it did remind me of how much i had to pee! we walked a block to another café, where Aerina knew we could go without paying. when we were ready to leave, the rain was coming down soooo hard, there was a river flowing downstream in front of our eyes. I took a quick video clip in all the excitement. several minutes later it began to ease up, so we ventured around taxis & traversed the rivers that weren’t there 15 minutes ago. I was squealing the entire time, it was too much fun! J
the highlight of my day was seeing a Peruvian woman bending over her son, maybe he was 3yrs old, doing something. For some reason we all looked back; she’d been undoing his pants & was now peeing into the flowing water. clearly his bladder also called when the rain let down. it was the sweetest thing, I wish I could’ve taken a photo, but it seemed too innocent to keep. dogs walked down the road together, another couple played in the grass. I surprisingly don’t feel bad for them, they seem to have their way of life sorted out; they run around wild, don’t bother anyone and find food where they can. we chowed on some beans & rice for $1 sole at the market then took a taxi home.
I went next door to the internet shop – I’ve never used such loose keys on a board before! the numeral keys have triple function for their accents and not all keys are where I expect them to be. Whapio bought me a reading light as a b-day gift, lol, and I finally moved my luggage to the attic since Aaron (pronounced Arun) had fixed the fumes issue and my energy was regained. It was great to set up the space Rose & I are sharing. it’s a long room, with 2 skylights and a ladder as the only access point. We’d heard “creatures” on the roof the other night, and chalked it up to rats on the roof. Well tonight, not only were we hearing them scurrying about, but they were in the walls, and more specifically, in the small crawl space close to my bed. I heard them running & then making mousey noises on the other side of the door. this small door is shut fairly tight, but just incase, I put a suitcase up against it for extra protection ;)
Julia, Natalie (friends of Claire) and Makenna arrived today. it’s been awesome having people trickle in and having been there from the beginning, so I could get to know everyone a bit first. Aerina & Scout cooked a hearty meal, (quinoa with salt, pepper, chopped avocado, a lot of fresh lime juice & tons of fresh cilantro – so yummy!) They sang happy b-day in Spanish & stuck a beeswax candle in my fried potato paddy. It was very sweet. I kept coming in and out of remembering it was my birthday, though the house kindly kept reminding me with love.
I finally head to the shower, by now the thunder had started up again & the blasts of lightning were strong. the hot water is only heated by a small coil that the water passes through before landing on the scalp. I played with the water pressure on the tap & from the source and struck heat!! what a luxury hot water is. I still feel a tingling in my hand when I turn it on, which apparently is normal, yet creepy. the dishes are washed with cold water too. it’s a different way of life, but it’s entirely manageable and the people of the land aren’t living in disease due to lack of cleanliness. (all the plates and glasses are reusable at the market as well.)
the night ended in a discussion on San Pedro, which is a cactus of this land. it’s sold in super markets, commonly used to enter an altered state, and very different from Ayahuasca. it’s not purgative like Ayahuasca is, it’s gentle, controlled by the dose one drinks, heart opening and very connected to nature. the ceremony for those who choose to participate, will take place at Abel’s (tattoo artist) brother’s home, close to the Sacred Valley, near Machu Pichu. I’d been contemplating this for months; I knew the opportunity to ingest plant medicine would arise on this trip.
everyone else’s opinion I was concerned about came rushing in my mind. again, I’m 30 and still being affected by my external surroundings? everything is coming down to honesty from within me. oh, did I leave that part out? while attempting to sleep this morning, I listened to another one of Master’s talks, which had me looking at where I’m internally at. lack of honesty in a very subtle manner has been showing it’s schizophrenic faces. what am I made of without the external telling me one way or another? once I got back to me, I saw if it was only me in the world, I would participate. it ties to my midwifery, standing at the gates of life, being in an altered state, being able to take action, instead of reacting in fear or resistance when women are traveling far into their cosmos, and i continuessly try to bring them back to this reality.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
climbing 11,000 feet into the sky...
day 2 in peru...
Jan 4
-we lived at the Starbucks in Lima for several hours, gradually taking over the only soft, cushiony chairs in the airport, each rotating with a purchase. I found a wedding ring in the airport gift shop to wear while away on this journey. my beautiful diamond filled band is the only thing i’m attached to so I left it in Vancouver. I’m going to see Abel (the tattoo artist) while here & have him design H’s native spirit name, to have as a wedding band that won’t be visible unless my ring is off. but that finger felt so naked in the mean time. it’s some type of wood, similar to coconut shell & the grain naturally displays a heart in the middle-perfecto!!
-Rose found us right before we boarded from Lima to Cusco. she'd been in the airport for hours & was stoked, almost to tears, to see some familiar faces.
-leaving El Salvador left behind the humidity, heat & clear blue skies-solong...
Jan 5
-Lima was misty, so many variations of cloud coverage, so many layers. as we flew up over the amazing Andes around 6am, i wondered if people lived amongst them? some snow caped as we reached higher elevation, most of them hosted pools of clouds, the way the beaches become tidal pool keepers, caught in a spider web. the sun began to peek out from the clouds to greet the morning. always rising & setting somewhere. i've fantasized about being a sun chaser, flying a plane & capture 24 hrs of sun sets, across the earth.
-Cusco's clouds represent the waves of Jamaica that i relentlessly shot footage of.
-the airport was small, the bathrooms only had 2-3 stalls (stepping out of our YVR comforts) but at least there was toilet paper & i didn´t have to pay to do my business! our luggage was delivered from the truck onto a small conveyer belt in front of our eyes, while a small local band smilingly played some 7am tunes.
-Christina picked us up from the airport. she's from the states, but fell in love with land years ago and lives in Cusco & the Amazon most of the year. such warmth exuded from her smile, she spotted us gringos right away. a cheap cab ride to our home (4 soles = $1.86 CND, $1.33 US), we arrived... a tad out of the city, (hum, i wonder if it could be "google maped"?) a large wall with a main locked wooden door. across the street families wash cars that pass by, mostly taxis, until late at night. it's so casual to have a street-side car wash.
-we unloaded our gear, took a tour of the house, then took a taxi to the Plaza de Armes, where the markets are. so many stray dogs running around the streets, and here the cabs rule, not the pedestrians. all day, swerving in & out of lanes, honking their gentle horns, dodging people crossing the streets & dogs running about. such flow strangely eliminates accidents.
-we were all fairly hungry, most ate meat soups (full of intestine, no part is spared) while I located the fruit & smoothie aisle. Christina knew the family who ran this kiosk (so many kiosks are lined up side by side, each with chairs that colour coordinate to its shop owner). it was ran by a grandmother, mother & daughter (all kids are on summer holidays). the biggest papayas I’ve ever seen, resembling small pumpkins, lined the counter. fresh aloe, cucumber, fat carrots, passion fruit, etc. she blended it all up & filled my glass 3 times, all for $1.62 CND. insanely cheap & wonderfully nurturing to my body.
-we walked around a bit…the market is broken into sections, from ready to eat food (soup, beans, rice, fish-trout fishing is big here, pig heads, other meats) to fruit stands, vegetable, grains, herbal medicine, bread, cheese and cacti/hallucinogenics. we sampled & bought the most amazing & creamy fresh cheese. a giant circle of it which would easily be $40 CND was under 10 soles. Scout’s son Ukiah was crying at one point and an old woman approached him with a banana offering.
-the most liberating thing has been living without a fridge – they are not common in Cusco. most go to the market every day, it’s affordable and such a familial event. so we buy what we need but the eggs & cheese sit out over 1-2 nights, along with all our veg, with no problems, it just feels so natural! it´s unfortunate we don´t live this way back home...refrigerators are containing, suffocating & a large scale preservative.
-after, we walked to the artisan’s market to locate blankets as the house had a draft. I’ve been living in a sweater the past two days, legwarmers, alpaca/lamb’s wool slippers & a scarf. it’s definitely not hot here, there’s no humidity, but when the sun is out in the day a layer is discarded, yet it’s unpredictable. we got caught in the rain, which comes out of nowhere, pouring thick drops, then stops. the kiosks within this market, were mostly managed by children and teenagers. I picked up a beautifully woven deep red blanket, and a soft vibrant blue alpaca sweater.
-we traveled home, took a shower & laid down to rest. I’d not really slept properly in 2 days & thought showering would be a great transition into bed. imagine cold water with the edge taken off – that was my “hot” shower, lol. refreshing, but my vitals were already low, it didn’t assist much. the attic room I claimed along with Rose, was emitting floor wax fumes so we slept in another room. after a few hours I woke up, (apparently people had been shaking me awake to no avail, I was gone) with a slight headache encroaching. i ate some bread, cheese, drank coca tea, more water & had some exotic fruit/melon. I went back to sleep, probably around 7pm & slept straight through til 1:30am. I kept waiting for the city to slumber, but all I heard were the beeping horns of cabs driving throughout the night. Rose was also awake, we went downstairs to nibble on a couple passion fruit & more sips of coca tea. we went back upstairs, I went to the bathroom & immediately recognized the salivating coming on – I began throwing up. bye-bye exploding in my mouth passion fruit!
-as I laid in bed, I couldn’t stop asking what an aneurism felt like…this must be close. my entire head was pounding, despite feeling better after vomiting. my heart was racing fast & hard. this coca tea (where cocaine is derived from) wasn’t helping me. my body has become too sensitive to what it ingests, especially since I stopped drinking coffee months ago. but the way to deal w/ altitude sickness is through sipping coca tea, drinking coffee – basically taking lots of caffeine, and aspirin. I later found out altitude sickness is edema/swelling of the brain. because everything is dilated, a vaso-constrictor is necessary. the knowledge pieced together everything I’d been experiencing.
-this morning when I woke up things were no better. I’d slept til 8am & recalled my dream. I was asking Whapio & Christina for assistance with my flu like symptoms. they asked me where in Cusco did I not feel ill? whatever my answer was would represent where I needed to work with the energy to heal. the market´s fresh air & sleeping were my answers. I drank more water, but even that was nauseating. I crawled back into bed, then heard someone knocking at the outside door, then went down to let her in…it was Brook, someone I’d never met. we went inside, and I began throwing up again – what I don’t know, I was so dry inside, my stomach depleted every bit of intestine it could reach. brushing my teeth had become a regular interval. I munched on some dried apple & we spoke of getting some food at the Mega supermarket a couple blocks down. I felt weak but knew the air would be nurturing & I always felt great after purging, so I took advantage of the small opportunity. Brook suggested drinking some yoghurt to take in the cultures of the land. I munched on some almonds, a tomato & fresh green, black and brown olives, taking it easy. this has got to be the closest thing to Italy´s fresh veg i´ve ever had :)
I slept again all afternoon and when I awoke, I didn’t feel so crappy. Scout brought me emerg-C, (what was i thinking not packing any??), Whapio arrived & gave me a big hug, and thoughts of eating crossed my mind. I still walked slowly and held onto the walls, but a shift was occurring. we went to the market again, I picked up some aspirin & took a couple with a pasta dinner that Brook cooked up. Yes! I was eating, keeping it down & beginning to laugh again. (lack of appetite & laughter are my sure signs of something’s stirring within).
-all of it is my midwifery though… the lack of energy, nausea, vomiting, accepting intense levels of pain in parts of my body I’d not felt before, being with there’s nothing wrong & it’s not a negative experience…all ties into birth.
-the pace here is slow and it’s pulling me under it’s wing. so far I’ve nothing to do, except rest and walk into my 30th year, observing the blank walls to paint.
Jan 4
-we lived at the Starbucks in Lima for several hours, gradually taking over the only soft, cushiony chairs in the airport, each rotating with a purchase. I found a wedding ring in the airport gift shop to wear while away on this journey. my beautiful diamond filled band is the only thing i’m attached to so I left it in Vancouver. I’m going to see Abel (the tattoo artist) while here & have him design H’s native spirit name, to have as a wedding band that won’t be visible unless my ring is off. but that finger felt so naked in the mean time. it’s some type of wood, similar to coconut shell & the grain naturally displays a heart in the middle-perfecto!!
-Rose found us right before we boarded from Lima to Cusco. she'd been in the airport for hours & was stoked, almost to tears, to see some familiar faces.
-leaving El Salvador left behind the humidity, heat & clear blue skies-solong...
Jan 5
-Lima was misty, so many variations of cloud coverage, so many layers. as we flew up over the amazing Andes around 6am, i wondered if people lived amongst them? some snow caped as we reached higher elevation, most of them hosted pools of clouds, the way the beaches become tidal pool keepers, caught in a spider web. the sun began to peek out from the clouds to greet the morning. always rising & setting somewhere. i've fantasized about being a sun chaser, flying a plane & capture 24 hrs of sun sets, across the earth.
-Cusco's clouds represent the waves of Jamaica that i relentlessly shot footage of.
-the airport was small, the bathrooms only had 2-3 stalls (stepping out of our YVR comforts) but at least there was toilet paper & i didn´t have to pay to do my business! our luggage was delivered from the truck onto a small conveyer belt in front of our eyes, while a small local band smilingly played some 7am tunes.
-Christina picked us up from the airport. she's from the states, but fell in love with land years ago and lives in Cusco & the Amazon most of the year. such warmth exuded from her smile, she spotted us gringos right away. a cheap cab ride to our home (4 soles = $1.86 CND, $1.33 US), we arrived... a tad out of the city, (hum, i wonder if it could be "google maped"?) a large wall with a main locked wooden door. across the street families wash cars that pass by, mostly taxis, until late at night. it's so casual to have a street-side car wash.
-we unloaded our gear, took a tour of the house, then took a taxi to the Plaza de Armes, where the markets are. so many stray dogs running around the streets, and here the cabs rule, not the pedestrians. all day, swerving in & out of lanes, honking their gentle horns, dodging people crossing the streets & dogs running about. such flow strangely eliminates accidents.
-we were all fairly hungry, most ate meat soups (full of intestine, no part is spared) while I located the fruit & smoothie aisle. Christina knew the family who ran this kiosk (so many kiosks are lined up side by side, each with chairs that colour coordinate to its shop owner). it was ran by a grandmother, mother & daughter (all kids are on summer holidays). the biggest papayas I’ve ever seen, resembling small pumpkins, lined the counter. fresh aloe, cucumber, fat carrots, passion fruit, etc. she blended it all up & filled my glass 3 times, all for $1.62 CND. insanely cheap & wonderfully nurturing to my body.
-we walked around a bit…the market is broken into sections, from ready to eat food (soup, beans, rice, fish-trout fishing is big here, pig heads, other meats) to fruit stands, vegetable, grains, herbal medicine, bread, cheese and cacti/hallucinogenics. we sampled & bought the most amazing & creamy fresh cheese. a giant circle of it which would easily be $40 CND was under 10 soles. Scout’s son Ukiah was crying at one point and an old woman approached him with a banana offering.
-the most liberating thing has been living without a fridge – they are not common in Cusco. most go to the market every day, it’s affordable and such a familial event. so we buy what we need but the eggs & cheese sit out over 1-2 nights, along with all our veg, with no problems, it just feels so natural! it´s unfortunate we don´t live this way back home...refrigerators are containing, suffocating & a large scale preservative.
-after, we walked to the artisan’s market to locate blankets as the house had a draft. I’ve been living in a sweater the past two days, legwarmers, alpaca/lamb’s wool slippers & a scarf. it’s definitely not hot here, there’s no humidity, but when the sun is out in the day a layer is discarded, yet it’s unpredictable. we got caught in the rain, which comes out of nowhere, pouring thick drops, then stops. the kiosks within this market, were mostly managed by children and teenagers. I picked up a beautifully woven deep red blanket, and a soft vibrant blue alpaca sweater.
-we traveled home, took a shower & laid down to rest. I’d not really slept properly in 2 days & thought showering would be a great transition into bed. imagine cold water with the edge taken off – that was my “hot” shower, lol. refreshing, but my vitals were already low, it didn’t assist much. the attic room I claimed along with Rose, was emitting floor wax fumes so we slept in another room. after a few hours I woke up, (apparently people had been shaking me awake to no avail, I was gone) with a slight headache encroaching. i ate some bread, cheese, drank coca tea, more water & had some exotic fruit/melon. I went back to sleep, probably around 7pm & slept straight through til 1:30am. I kept waiting for the city to slumber, but all I heard were the beeping horns of cabs driving throughout the night. Rose was also awake, we went downstairs to nibble on a couple passion fruit & more sips of coca tea. we went back upstairs, I went to the bathroom & immediately recognized the salivating coming on – I began throwing up. bye-bye exploding in my mouth passion fruit!
-as I laid in bed, I couldn’t stop asking what an aneurism felt like…this must be close. my entire head was pounding, despite feeling better after vomiting. my heart was racing fast & hard. this coca tea (where cocaine is derived from) wasn’t helping me. my body has become too sensitive to what it ingests, especially since I stopped drinking coffee months ago. but the way to deal w/ altitude sickness is through sipping coca tea, drinking coffee – basically taking lots of caffeine, and aspirin. I later found out altitude sickness is edema/swelling of the brain. because everything is dilated, a vaso-constrictor is necessary. the knowledge pieced together everything I’d been experiencing.
-this morning when I woke up things were no better. I’d slept til 8am & recalled my dream. I was asking Whapio & Christina for assistance with my flu like symptoms. they asked me where in Cusco did I not feel ill? whatever my answer was would represent where I needed to work with the energy to heal. the market´s fresh air & sleeping were my answers. I drank more water, but even that was nauseating. I crawled back into bed, then heard someone knocking at the outside door, then went down to let her in…it was Brook, someone I’d never met. we went inside, and I began throwing up again – what I don’t know, I was so dry inside, my stomach depleted every bit of intestine it could reach. brushing my teeth had become a regular interval. I munched on some dried apple & we spoke of getting some food at the Mega supermarket a couple blocks down. I felt weak but knew the air would be nurturing & I always felt great after purging, so I took advantage of the small opportunity. Brook suggested drinking some yoghurt to take in the cultures of the land. I munched on some almonds, a tomato & fresh green, black and brown olives, taking it easy. this has got to be the closest thing to Italy´s fresh veg i´ve ever had :)
I slept again all afternoon and when I awoke, I didn’t feel so crappy. Scout brought me emerg-C, (what was i thinking not packing any??), Whapio arrived & gave me a big hug, and thoughts of eating crossed my mind. I still walked slowly and held onto the walls, but a shift was occurring. we went to the market again, I picked up some aspirin & took a couple with a pasta dinner that Brook cooked up. Yes! I was eating, keeping it down & beginning to laugh again. (lack of appetite & laughter are my sure signs of something’s stirring within).
-all of it is my midwifery though… the lack of energy, nausea, vomiting, accepting intense levels of pain in parts of my body I’d not felt before, being with there’s nothing wrong & it’s not a negative experience…all ties into birth.
-the pace here is slow and it’s pulling me under it’s wing. so far I’ve nothing to do, except rest and walk into my 30th year, observing the blank walls to paint.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
embarking...
the journey began years ago, i've been "getting ready" internally to leave, to be the one to travel, and now all that preparing coming to fruition!
jan 3: H dropped me chez YVR - it felt so normal, as though i was only leaving for the weekend.. all my trips to Bellingham & the most recent one to LA has normalized traveling :)
i boarded a small, loud aircraft (50 seats) & proceeded to pass out, despite being directly beside the propeller & the turbulent snow clouds we traversed. now as i wait to board to San Fran, a man strums his guitar, quietly, beautifully, and i ask myself if he can follow me to Peru, just to have that movie feeling follow me. i suppose there is always music playing & drop the illusive fantasies. be in my reality.
i'm aware of the simplicities.. all i want in life is to practice midwifery, experience motherhood, unleash new capacities of loving in my world. live a beautiful life with H.
and with traveling, well i don't need drama to have an amazing trip. i can happily live the simplicity of every moment.
2pm: -fell asleep w/ the sun on my face
-i'm heading towards the light, the sun. the light reflects off the clouds - "light bulb" moment: the clouds don't change colour, it's only the light reflecting. i knew this but somehow, while ascending through them, it became clear.
-the sun is continually setting & the traces it leaves behind are beautiful every day. the sun doesn't need me to acknowledge it's beauty for it to "be". the sun doesn't hold its breath waiting for me to acknowledge its fulfillment. it's just being a sun.
-and i thought of how ridiculous it is that i've ever grieved over the weather. the weather is just being. as a dog barks, a cat meows, and a child is rambunctious. there is no right in telling that child to be an adult when it is a child. why would a dog not bark when that is its nature?
-4:30 pm-i reviewed my flight information... a 6hr dinner break, depart San Fran after midnight, then fairly direct until Lima. Lima is where my 15hrs layover unfolds, but Scout will be there. our flight is so on time, we'll be arriving early - my 1st thought was "i hope we're late so i am under someone else's responsibility longer" ?? thank u unconscious thought for showing your face. have i become that lazy since being with H? i'm turning 30 & i'm still avoiding being responsible for me?
-8:11pm: sitting in SFO airport, a recording continues to come on, in regular fashion, to remind me not to get too comfortable or relaxed within this location. "this is a security advisory...we're currently on a code "orange"... don't leave your bags unattended...call 911 if you see anything suspicious". reminds me of this movie i watched with H with a man & a woman, brought together by a computer system that governs all - it was like a remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Jan 4-time?? computer says 7:42am, but i boarded at 9am... time discrepancy.
-watched a bit of "The Forbidden Kingdom" Jet Li & Jackie Chan (dubbed in Spanish) - i laughed out loud when drunken style emerged. slept throughout the night the entire way to El Salvador. best purchase of my life - an eye mask! the cabin lights were left on most of the way & when i awoke, it was so dark under the covers, i believed it was still night time! bright hot sun awaited my peering.
-i found Aerina last night just as we were boarding (her ticket was a scam & she had to buy a new ticket!! ABS is a fraudulent internet company!) and when i got off the plane, i immediately found Scout, her husband Eric & their 1.5yr old, Ukiah. great to see some faces who speak english: "spanish language, i command you to make your integration in my cellular body visible now!" but i'm aware of my "A", the "B" is their influence, the space b/w is this beautiful heat! oh summer, how i've missed you! i can't believe i'll be living in this weather for 6 wks!! but seriously, i see already where i'm impermeable to other's influence & where there is work to be done still.
Jan 4: 3pm on computer. (must be behind) time change?? i think we're ahead by 3 hrs.. we're all sitting in Starbucks in Lima, Peru. we board at?? 4am?
jan 3: H dropped me chez YVR - it felt so normal, as though i was only leaving for the weekend.. all my trips to Bellingham & the most recent one to LA has normalized traveling :)
i boarded a small, loud aircraft (50 seats) & proceeded to pass out, despite being directly beside the propeller & the turbulent snow clouds we traversed. now as i wait to board to San Fran, a man strums his guitar, quietly, beautifully, and i ask myself if he can follow me to Peru, just to have that movie feeling follow me. i suppose there is always music playing & drop the illusive fantasies. be in my reality.
i'm aware of the simplicities.. all i want in life is to practice midwifery, experience motherhood, unleash new capacities of loving in my world. live a beautiful life with H.
and with traveling, well i don't need drama to have an amazing trip. i can happily live the simplicity of every moment.
2pm: -fell asleep w/ the sun on my face
-i'm heading towards the light, the sun. the light reflects off the clouds - "light bulb" moment: the clouds don't change colour, it's only the light reflecting. i knew this but somehow, while ascending through them, it became clear.
-the sun is continually setting & the traces it leaves behind are beautiful every day. the sun doesn't need me to acknowledge it's beauty for it to "be". the sun doesn't hold its breath waiting for me to acknowledge its fulfillment. it's just being a sun.
-and i thought of how ridiculous it is that i've ever grieved over the weather. the weather is just being. as a dog barks, a cat meows, and a child is rambunctious. there is no right in telling that child to be an adult when it is a child. why would a dog not bark when that is its nature?
-4:30 pm-i reviewed my flight information... a 6hr dinner break, depart San Fran after midnight, then fairly direct until Lima. Lima is where my 15hrs layover unfolds, but Scout will be there. our flight is so on time, we'll be arriving early - my 1st thought was "i hope we're late so i am under someone else's responsibility longer" ?? thank u unconscious thought for showing your face. have i become that lazy since being with H? i'm turning 30 & i'm still avoiding being responsible for me?
-8:11pm: sitting in SFO airport, a recording continues to come on, in regular fashion, to remind me not to get too comfortable or relaxed within this location. "this is a security advisory...we're currently on a code "orange"... don't leave your bags unattended...call 911 if you see anything suspicious". reminds me of this movie i watched with H with a man & a woman, brought together by a computer system that governs all - it was like a remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Jan 4-time?? computer says 7:42am, but i boarded at 9am... time discrepancy.
-watched a bit of "The Forbidden Kingdom" Jet Li & Jackie Chan (dubbed in Spanish) - i laughed out loud when drunken style emerged. slept throughout the night the entire way to El Salvador. best purchase of my life - an eye mask! the cabin lights were left on most of the way & when i awoke, it was so dark under the covers, i believed it was still night time! bright hot sun awaited my peering.
-i found Aerina last night just as we were boarding (her ticket was a scam & she had to buy a new ticket!! ABS is a fraudulent internet company!) and when i got off the plane, i immediately found Scout, her husband Eric & their 1.5yr old, Ukiah. great to see some faces who speak english: "spanish language, i command you to make your integration in my cellular body visible now!" but i'm aware of my "A", the "B" is their influence, the space b/w is this beautiful heat! oh summer, how i've missed you! i can't believe i'll be living in this weather for 6 wks!! but seriously, i see already where i'm impermeable to other's influence & where there is work to be done still.
Jan 4: 3pm on computer. (must be behind) time change?? i think we're ahead by 3 hrs.. we're all sitting in Starbucks in Lima, Peru. we board at?? 4am?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)