embarking...

the journey began years ago, i've been "getting ready" internally to leave, to be the one to travel, and now all that preparing coming to fruition!

jan 3: H dropped me chez YVR - it felt so normal, as though i was only leaving for the weekend.. all my trips to Bellingham & the most recent one to LA has normalized traveling :)

i boarded a small, loud aircraft (50 seats) & proceeded to pass out, despite being directly beside the propeller & the turbulent snow clouds we traversed. now as i wait to board to San Fran, a man strums his guitar, quietly, beautifully, and i ask myself if he can follow me to Peru, just to have that movie feeling follow me. i suppose there is always music playing & drop the illusive fantasies. be in my reality.

i'm aware of the simplicities.. all i want in life is to practice midwifery, experience motherhood, unleash new capacities of loving in my world. live a beautiful life with H.

and with traveling, well i don't need drama to have an amazing trip. i can happily live the simplicity of every moment.

2pm: -fell asleep w/ the sun on my face
-i'm heading towards the light, the sun. the light reflects off the clouds - "light bulb" moment: the clouds don't change colour, it's only the light reflecting. i knew this but somehow, while ascending through them, it became clear.

-the sun is continually setting & the traces it leaves behind are beautiful every day. the sun doesn't need me to acknowledge it's beauty for it to "be". the sun doesn't hold its breath waiting for me to acknowledge its fulfillment. it's just being a sun.

-and i thought of how ridiculous it is that i've ever grieved over the weather. the weather is just being. as a dog barks, a cat meows, and a child is rambunctious. there is no right in telling that child to be an adult when it is a child. why would a dog not bark when that is its nature?

-4:30 pm-i reviewed my flight information... a 6hr dinner break, depart San Fran after midnight, then fairly direct until Lima. Lima is where my 15hrs layover unfolds, but Scout will be there. our flight is so on time, we'll be arriving early - my 1st thought was "i hope we're late so i am under someone else's responsibility longer" ?? thank u unconscious thought for showing your face. have i become that lazy since being with H? i'm turning 30 & i'm still avoiding being responsible for me?

-8:11pm: sitting in SFO airport, a recording continues to come on, in regular fashion, to remind me not to get too comfortable or relaxed within this location. "this is a security advisory...we're currently on a code "orange"... don't leave your bags unattended...call 911 if you see anything suspicious". reminds me of this movie i watched with H with a man & a woman, brought together by a computer system that governs all - it was like a remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Jan 4-time?? computer says 7:42am, but i boarded at 9am... time discrepancy.
-watched a bit of "The Forbidden Kingdom" Jet Li & Jackie Chan (dubbed in Spanish) - i laughed out loud when drunken style emerged. slept throughout the night the entire way to El Salvador. best purchase of my life - an eye mask! the cabin lights were left on most of the way & when i awoke, it was so dark under the covers, i believed it was still night time! bright hot sun awaited my peering.

-i found Aerina last night just as we were boarding (her ticket was a scam & she had to buy a new ticket!! ABS is a fraudulent internet company!) and when i got off the plane, i immediately found Scout, her husband Eric & their 1.5yr old, Ukiah. great to see some faces who speak english: "spanish language, i command you to make your integration in my cellular body visible now!" but i'm aware of my "A", the "B" is their influence, the space b/w is this beautiful heat! oh summer, how i've missed you! i can't believe i'll be living in this weather for 6 wks!! but seriously, i see already where i'm impermeable to other's influence & where there is work to be done still.

Jan 4: 3pm on computer. (must be behind) time change?? i think we're ahead by 3 hrs.. we're all sitting in Starbucks in Lima, Peru. we board at?? 4am?